“What do you do when love becomes lethal for you?”, My dizzy brain had successfully put up a question worthy of a debate.
“You hold on.” Came the reply.
I don’t know how my brain asks questions and then answers them with such phrases. The duality of my brain is beyond me.
“How can one hold on to something that’s lethal? Doesn’t it hurt?”
“Ofcourse, it does, but you hold on. You hold on till you are ready to bid goodbye. It’s like a final showdown at the end of which you take a stand.”
“If you know it hurts and you need to bid goodbye, then why hold on?”
“It may appear pointless at first, but when you hold on to it, bearing the pain, you are ready to let go. It is then that you realise it’s true worth. When you let go, you’ll still love it but you won’t let it hurt you.”
All this was happening because I had to make a decision, firm enough to convince my heart to take my side.
As I mentioned, my brain was dizzy, as I was having a major headache from the jasmine garlands I willingly pinned to my head. For anyone who knows me will second this for you, and I say it again, I love jasmine garlands. They have always been one of the two best things about Chennai; the other one being the beach. You can spot me from a distance with the amount of garlands stuffed onto my scalp. So much so that my hair has to take leaps out of the clump of flowers for air.
I loved their fragrance. Yes, love-ed, this ‘ed’ at the end is because of how the fragrance was now at the verge of giving me a migraine. Now the question is, how do I let go?
I kept checking the clock, giving myself an assurance that I’ll take them of in an hour, an assurance I kept repeating after every hour.
Why? I was scared, scared of losing something I love. I knew I would probably never put them on my head again after this, and this is my last time with them.
I was petrified at the thought of not being able to love them. My love had turned lethal. Yet I was finding ways to redeem it. A redemption bound to cause pain.
As I took off the final pin and caressed the garland, I realised how me being afraid was all in vain. I won’t stop loving them, why will I? Just because I can’t put them on and flaunt them, it doesn’t mean I won’t love them. Just because I won’t hold them close to me, does not entail that I won’t value their beauty.
When your love becomes lethal for you, yes you need to let go, but you hold on to the good in it. You remember the warmth of its embrace and you hold it close to your heart. Sometimes the thought of losing your love, blinds you of all the reasons why you never will. If it’s lethal, let go. Let go and you’ll be free of the blindfold. Ofcourse it won’t be the same as before, but just because the future would be different, does not mean you won’t get to keep the box full of happy memories tinkling you whether you need them.